What are your favorite jokes?

[AF-Roger]

Everyone needs a good laugh daily. So let's help each other to laugh. Post your favorite jokes, both past and new.

 

[azgold]

Sorry, Roger. I can't help, I'm the worst joke teller in the entire world. Glad you started this thread though, so I can enjoy everyone else's jokes.

 

[Jaded Affiliate]

Q: What is green and smells like bacon?

A: Kermit the frogs finger

 

[T J Tutor]

Horse walks into a tavern and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

 

[AF-Roger]

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

 

[azgold]

{{{Groan}}}

Love 'em!

 

[T J Tutor]

 

[T J Tutor]

Okay, is just me, or are circles pointless?

 

[azgold]

*chuckling*

 

[T J Tutor]

Did you know that when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter you will get PUMPKIN PI?

 

[T J Tutor]

Did you know that though stairs go up and down they never move?

 

[T J Tutor]

Did you know that the more a towel dries the wetter it gets?

 

[azgold]

Okay, those are groaners. Yet still, they entertain.

 

[AF-Roger]

Q: Why can't you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.

 

[hiimjeremy]

Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant's backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go. A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried, they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.

One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. The big day arrived, they set up all the monitoring equipment and set out to a safe distance.

The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer.
BBBAAANNNGGG!

The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in shiat, the second (2 miles away) was up to his knees and the first (1 mile away) was up to his waist. When the others joined the scientist who was 1 mile away they noticed that he was in fits of laughter.

"What the %$*& is so funny?" asked one of the scientist.

"You should have seen the monkey's face trying to get the cork back in!!!"