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What are your favorite jokes?

Discussion in 'General Discussions and Lounge' started by AF-Roger, Oct 23, 2015.

  1. AF-Roger

    AF-Roger Affiliate affiliate

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    Everyone needs a good laugh daily. So let's help each other to laugh. Post your favorite jokes, both past and new.
     
  2. Voluum
  3. Certified
    T J Tutor

    T J Tutor GM Administrator Certified Vendor Dojo Master affiliate

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    The French love snails because they don't like fast food!
     
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  4. AF-Roger

    AF-Roger Affiliate affiliate

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    Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
    Student: "Meat!"
    Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
    Student: "Bacon!"
    Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
    Student: "Homework!"

    :cool:
     
    2 people like this.
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    T J Tutor

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    If you had a watch on your belt, you would be wasting time!
     
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  6. AF-Roger

    AF-Roger Affiliate affiliate

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    Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear?

    A: A wind tunnel.
     
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  7. Dario

    Dario Affiliate affiliate

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    The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
     
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  8. Dario

    Dario Affiliate affiliate

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    A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

    :D
     
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  9. AF-Roger

    AF-Roger Affiliate affiliate

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    Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."

    The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"
     
  10. Dario

    Dario Affiliate affiliate

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    A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
     
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    T J Tutor

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    There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
     
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    T J Tutor

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    How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. It's a hardware problem.
     
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    T J Tutor

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    A SEO couple had twins. For the first time they were happy with duplicate content.
     
  14. Dario

    Dario Affiliate affiliate

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    In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was made in China.
     
  15. Dario

    Dario Affiliate affiliate

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    Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
    A: Carlos.
     
  16. Dario

    Dario Affiliate affiliate

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    Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
    Boyfriend: "You're both."
    Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
    Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."
     
    2 people like this.
  17. Cavalier0754

    Cavalier0754 Guest

    Man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

    The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

    "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

    "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

    The man below replies, "You must work in management."

    "I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*

    "Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."
     
  18. Vendzilla

    Vendzilla Affiliate affiliate

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    I only know dirty jokes
     
  19. AF-Roger

    AF-Roger Affiliate affiliate

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    Two men are fishing in a boat under a bridge and see a funeral procession starting across the bridge. One of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge, and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel and continues fishing.

    His friend says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."

    He responds, "Well, I guess it was the right thing to do -- after all, I was married to her for 40 years.
     
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    T J Tutor

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    Wash them...:)
     
  21. Vendzilla

    Vendzilla Affiliate affiliate

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    OK
    George was a Cardiologist when after 75 years of age, he died.
    His funeral was well thought out by his family.
    At the end of the ceremony his coffin glided into a large heart covered in brightly covered roses. Then sealed forever and lowered into the ground.

    Mark, one of the friends of the family started busting out laughing, he stopped when he could knowing that such an outburst at a funeral wasn't proper.
    When several people stared at him with an evil eye, he responded that he was just thinking about his funeral.



    Mark was a gynecologist
     
MI