Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”
Man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."
Two men are fishing in a boat under a bridge and see a funeral procession starting across the bridge. One of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge, and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel and continues fishing.
His friend says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."
He responds, "Well, I guess it was the right thing to do -- after all, I was married to her for 40 years.
George was a Cardiologist when after 75 years of age, he died.
His funeral was well thought out by his family.
At the end of the ceremony his coffin glided into a large heart covered in brightly covered roses. Then sealed forever and lowered into the ground.
Mark, one of the friends of the family started busting out laughing, he stopped when he could knowing that such an outburst at a funeral wasn't proper.
When several people stared at him with an evil eye, he responded that he was just thinking about his funeral.
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