The CPAFix Joke Thread!
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michaelmosesson
Member
As they wander through the forest, a bear and a mouse happen to stumble upon a magical lamp. They rub it, thus awakening the genie inside.
"I will grant you three wishes each", he says. "The dominate of you two gets to go first".
Disrespectfully, the bear expresses his first wish while giving the mouse a cocky look. "I want all the bears in this forest, except me, to turn female!"
The genie has no problem granting his wish, and at the snap of his fingers he turns all the bears in the forest into females.
"You're next", the genie says, pointing at the tiny mouse.
With not even the slightest hesitation he asks for the coolest motorcycle in the world, which the genie grants him.
The bear goes "I want all the bears in the entire country, except me, to turn female!". Again, the genie comes through.
"Oh, well... a nice leather jacket would go along quite nicely with my bike", the mouse shyly says. *POOF*, the mouse wears the most bad-ass jacket he's ever seen and he's all excited!
Before the bear gets the chance to express his wish, the genie asks him "all the bears in the world?".
"Mhm, except me", the bear answers.
"Your wish has been granted. All other bears in the world are now female", the genie states.
The bear is so excited he doesn't know what to say, nor what to do.
"Mouse, what is your last wish?", the genie wonders.
The tiny mouse does not answer immediately. He takes time to enjoy his things. Starts up his bike, caresses his beautiful leather jacket. Revs the engine.
Suddenly, the mouse does a burnout and takes off like an oiled lightning bolt. As he disappears into the horizon, he yells, "I WISH THE BEAR WAS GAY!"
"I will grant you three wishes each", he says. "The dominate of you two gets to go first".
Disrespectfully, the bear expresses his first wish while giving the mouse a cocky look. "I want all the bears in this forest, except me, to turn female!"
The genie has no problem granting his wish, and at the snap of his fingers he turns all the bears in the forest into females.
"You're next", the genie says, pointing at the tiny mouse.
With not even the slightest hesitation he asks for the coolest motorcycle in the world, which the genie grants him.
The bear goes "I want all the bears in the entire country, except me, to turn female!". Again, the genie comes through.
"Oh, well... a nice leather jacket would go along quite nicely with my bike", the mouse shyly says. *POOF*, the mouse wears the most bad-ass jacket he's ever seen and he's all excited!
Before the bear gets the chance to express his wish, the genie asks him "all the bears in the world?".
"Mhm, except me", the bear answers.
"Your wish has been granted. All other bears in the world are now female", the genie states.
The bear is so excited he doesn't know what to say, nor what to do.
"Mouse, what is your last wish?", the genie wonders.
The tiny mouse does not answer immediately. He takes time to enjoy his things. Starts up his bike, caresses his beautiful leather jacket. Revs the engine.
Suddenly, the mouse does a burnout and takes off like an oiled lightning bolt. As he disappears into the horizon, he yells, "I WISH THE BEAR WAS GAY!"
michaelmosesson
Member
Just saw this on Facebook
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
michaelmosesson
Member
The young boy happens to open his parents' bedroom door at the absolute wrong time. As the door swings open, he discovers his mom holding the father's third leg. He's asking her; "what are you doing?!"
The mother answers: I'm just making sure there's no air in there, as it could hurt your father very much.
Not bothered by what he's seen, her son answers; There's no use, the neighbour wife just keeps filling it up as soon as you leave anyway.
The mother answers: I'm just making sure there's no air in there, as it could hurt your father very much.
Not bothered by what he's seen, her son answers; There's no use, the neighbour wife just keeps filling it up as soon as you leave anyway.
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Ivana Adnium
Guest
Why does Oedipus hate profanity?
Baboom
He kisses his mother with that mouth
Baboom
I
Ivana Adnium
Guest
You know you liked it!
Here's another one:
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner...
She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?"
He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
*rim sound* And there you have it!
