Review Need your honest review for my sales copy.

[OnlineGamingTraffic]

Hey everyone, and thank you for checking my thread.
Alongside with affiliate marketing, I've been a sales trainer for quite a lot of time and now I decided to try to sell my services online as well.
I'm much more experienced in selling face to face or using the phone. But I believe the same techniques apply in both scenarios.
I want to sell my services of making someone a sales copy.


This will be on an explaining video:
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Did you ever ask yourself: How come only 5% of the salesmen / advertisers close most of the deals?
What do they do to make so many deals come to life?
What am I doing WRONG That make so many deals slip between my fingers?
Can you imagine how different your life will be if you’d close only 1% more of your prospects?
Most salesmen forget: “People make their decisions emotionally and then justify it with logic” and they are making the mistake of explaining the features of their products instead of making their clients realize how much the NEED it! How BAD their life is without it and how AMAZING their life will be once they get it!
I guarantee you will ABSOLUTELY LOVE my service.
What you will learn from your new sales script will help you your ENTIRE LIFE.
Order my service now, and we’ll brainstorm, plan and TOGETHER: Build you the PERFECT sales pitch.
Whether you’re a salesman, a sales manager, a business owner or an advertiser, I guarantee you will make more sales. Remember: Businesses rise and fall because of the words they choose. I will help you choose the perfect ones.
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This is the written content:

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Who is my service good for?
- Bloggers
- Salesmen
- Sales Managers
- Business owners
- Advertisers

What’s in it for you:
A sales copy that:
- Creates a huge NEED
- Creates a great sense of URGENCY
- Put you OUT OF THE CROWD – Smash your competitors
- Make your clients question their beliefs
- Make your client TRUST you
- Help you understand WHAT YOUR CLIENT ACTUALLY WANT
- Make the client SELL to HIMSELF

100% Money Back Guarantee! I have full belief in my service.

BONUS: Free education package for anyone who is ordering my service:
- How to solve any objection?
- How to find out which objection is real, and which one isn’t? (I need to think about it)
- How to never give a discount to a client who’s saying “It’s too expensive”
- How to solve most of your clients’ objections BEFORE they even pop up?
- How to create real urgency, not the “This deal expires in 2 days” nonsense!
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So, what do you guys think? What would you change / add / remove and why?

Thanks in advance! Cheers!

 

[azgold]

I'm not an expert in this but this is what I notice....

- you have a couple of spelling errors

I assume you'll have some kind of break between these sentences? You are guaranteeing your service before you say what it is.

NEED it! How BAD their life is without it and how AMAZING their life will be once they get it!
I guarantee you will ABSOLUTELY LOVE my service.

What if you used what if statements? For example, "What if you knew the perfect words to say that can increase your sales...and your bottom line? What if all that's missing is a convincing, converting script?" Something like those then launch into your solution and guarantee?

You're offering a great solution, by the sound of it.