Beginner Here...any recommendations for this sales page?

[JAFitness]

Hey Everyone,

I started selling my own product recently on Clickbank and was wanting your input on how I can make this sales page better. The link is: Get Access Now! – 30 Day Weight Loss Lab

Any input would be awesome! Thanks in advance and have a great day!

 

[redgent]

Sorry to say but it's mediocre.

There is no big idea. We've all heard of the "lose 30 pounds in 30 days" promise but it does nothing for me. Deep down we all know that going to the gym and eating healthy is the way to do it. Except that I'm not going to buy something that tells me that. I'll buy ANYTHING THAT TELLS ME EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE.

That's why raspberry ketone, acai, green coffee, what-have-you sell like crazy. They promise me the benefit of no work with all the gain. Tools, special machines, belts, secret methods, pills, tricks and gimmicks -- anything that takes away the pressure from me and puts it on the one magic item -- that is going to convince me.

You need one big compelling idea. An angle that is so crazy it will make me seriously consider what you're selling. There's plenty of areas where you can venture: news (new study shows that cardio actually adds pounds...), novelty (how chinese sages have stayed lean for years without going to the gym...), personal story, etc..

When you've got the angle, the headline and the rest of the copy will write itself.

"Lose Weight, Torch Calories, Get Results… GUARANTEED?" <-- you're not even sure about this yourself you have to ask me. There's no specifics in there. Just things I've heard all over again.

There's no emotion to the copy. No big sob story about how I was about to kill myself until I decided to do this one simple exercise, every single day for 15 minutes and not one second more. All I see is a bunch of features, not benefits.

Testimonials. If you're in the weight-loss niche, I wouldn't even launch something without before/after pictures. Yeah, 99% of them are photoshopped. But that's not the point. The point is to show me the money. Show me that it works. Or if you're going to have a written testimonial, make it convincing. Tell me how. Tell me how much. Tell me why.

If this offer is for gym rats then you probably can appeal to them with the "step-by-step, day-by-day instructions" benefit. But everybody else? I'm going to look at the other products on Clickbank that promise me anything but (also a good idea to look how they're doing it).

 

[JAFitness]

Dude, thanks so much for the constructive criticism! Seriously!

"I'll buy ANYTHING THAT TELLS ME EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE."

Our product doesn't promise to lose 30 pounds in 30 days because that's not at all what it is about. It's about teaching the client how to achieve weight loss over 30 days so they can lose weight and keep it off forever; hence the fact that these are Labs not lose weight quick program. We should probably specify that more! But as you said the problem is that people want the quick fix... something we will have to overcome and as a personal trainer saddens me but its something we need to try to sell to overcome.

"You need one big compelling idea. An angle that is so crazy it will make me seriously consider what you're selling. There's plenty of areas where you can venture: news (new study shows that cardio actually adds pounds...), novelty (how chinese sages have stayed lean for years without going to the gym...), personal story, etc..

When you've got the angle, the headline and the rest of the copy will write itself."

That is fantastic advice! Going back to the drawing board for a better angle!

My problem being the trainer is that I see so much value in something that helps you be healthy sustainability and not the quick fix crap, but the people who need the product are looking exactly for the opposite.

Thanks for the help, really helpful stuff.

 

[redgent]

So write about yourself. Flaunt those credentials. Tell me how through years of hardcore training and fitness coaching you found one way that brought results for everybody, regardless of their age, nutrition, fitness level etc.. etc... Prove to me that your way is different from everything else that I've heard till now. Show me that you know what you're talking about. Then I will be more compelled to buy. Everybody likes secrets. Secrets from an authority, now that is surely going to grab my attention.

 

[JAFitness]

So write about yourself. Flaunt those credentials. Tell me how through years of hardcore training and fitness coaching you found one way that brought results for everybody, regardless of their age, nutrition, fitness level etc.. etc... Prove to me that your way is different from everything else that I've heard till now. Show me that you know what you're talking about. Then I will be more compelled to buy. Everybody likes secrets. Secrets from an authority, now that is surely going to grab my attention.

Okay, that's top notch.... now I just have to find my voice in that. I completely see what you are saying! I'd definitely hire you via Dope Copy if I had the $$ thanks for the tips!

 

[K]

Good advice redgent, @JAFitness hit us up if you need a fresh spin Responsive Landing Pages | Landing Page Guys

 

[JAFitness]

After posting on this thread I contacted Silvestru considering he gave me so much killer sales copy advice already. Last week, he took a look at my site and did a thorough video review - he provided an incredible amount of detailed, effective, actionable advice that I implemented right away. With his help our conversions have considerably increased and our visitor duration has increased by %150. He does great work and really can get into the head of the targeted audience - definitely will be contacted him in the future again! Thanks a million man!