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How Can I Improve This Copy

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by LoveConversions, Apr 30, 2016.

  1. LoveConversions

    LoveConversions Affiliate affiliate

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    Any advice on making this copy better would be greatly appreciated! Have a great day folks!
  2. cpalife
  3. John Scott

    John Scott Affiliate affiliate

    It just seems spammy and salesy from the word go.

    Any time you are selling cheap links, you put yourself in that category that really lacks trust. Whored out websites have no trust, do not pass link juice, and SEO's know it.

    So instead of "insane" you might want to go with "editorial integrity."
  4. Patch

    Patch Affiliate affiliate

    To start -> "Well we've have".

    John is spot on as well.

    Same ol' same ol' stuff.

    What is the copy for --> PR / Email / Blog / Print?

    Who is your target --> New / Inter / Pro?

    All "very" determinant factors when seducing your readers.

    Either way, I'd have someone do a "re-write" that has a better grasp on persuasive sales copy as well as an understanding of grammatical structures.

    Personally, I'd do 3/4/5/6 variations and run a split test.

    No offense meant. ;)


    EDIT: But hey, what do I know! It's late, I'm tired and been working and reading all day..!
    Ben@Advidi and John Scott like this.
  5. Israel Trujillo

    Israel Trujillo Affiliate affiliate

    It is very valuable information for online service.Copy writing services are available from google.And now a days custom essay writing service ,and article writing service, and essay writing service etc they are provide a high quality content for writing tasks.
  6. Ben@Advidi

    Ben@Advidi Affiliate Manager Affiliate Manager affiliate

    This reads to me like someone with pocket tens telling the table he's got aces.

    If your product is so valuable, let it sell itself.

    This isn't terrible, but to be picky - most would answer this with "no, I'm not tired of spending hours. I'm doing it because I want the best, not because I want a quick solution."

    Don't really care - maybe later on, when I'm really investigating you, I'll check your history and competence. But I don't need to know right away that you've been doing it "for years" (two? ten? outright lie?)

    This is much more to the point. Next you'll tell me how and why it will work for me, right?

    That makes sense to me. This is good. Answers the question "why are you selling these if they're so valuable?"... I'd go further into this and maybe even make it your main angle. "One man's trash is another's treasure" etc. Add a sort of sub-angle: "It will require work to turn this 'trash' into treasure" (but DON'T actually go and call your product trash, lol - that's just an example)

    Cool... boring but useful. Could definitely be re-packaged with some sales psychology but no need to overthink the bullet list USPs
    Also could be re-packaged. People like things that are risk-free and knowing that the proprietor of the product is so confident that they're willing to give it away. Go into more detail to make me 100% sure this is a safe deal. This is much less about actually offering a guarantee and much more about not giving a shit about people who aren't interested because it's their loss... you know you have those aces in your hand. It's about confidence, not about "oh, well don't worry because you can always return our product when you find out it's shittier than we said it was."
    Echo above comments - let me decide if the offer is "insane" - good to include a sense of urgency, but this feels too salesy in the context. This urgency works when people are on the fence, and right now, I'm not really interested in doing any climbing. Not professional enough. I don't feel confident based on the tone.

    It feels like you want you to get a sale - not that you want me to have your product.

    Give a shit about your customer and their success - the best do this with tact. You feel like you're both winning. This feels like I'm taking some PBN off your hands to do you a favor. (Of course that's not really true - the best often don't give a shit either - but they know when to hold back the pushing and can pretend very well that they truly, honestly just want you to have their product.)
  7. azgold

    azgold Super Moderator Super Mod moderator affiliate

    The posts above pretty much say it all. Dump the sales-y pitch. Intrigue me, make me want to know more.

    Customers want to know the benefits far more than they do the features. What are you and your domains offering them? How does buying your domain help them? What's in it for the buyer? You have to give him a good reason to pull out his wallet.

    As I think Ben mentioned, a more professional tone would help instill a degree of trust, too.

    Dangle the carrot with good copy about a good product or service and they'll want to click through to investigate.

    Just my opinion, of course.
    Ben@Advidi likes this.

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