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The CPAFix Joke Thread!

Discussion in 'General Discussions and Lounge' started by Andy Haskins, Mar 22, 2013.

  1. Andy Haskins

    Andy Haskins Affiliate affiliate

    Now I'm not the best with jokes but let's get a little something going. Post up your favorite jokes in this thread.

    I'll get us started, keep them coming.

    The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

    One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

    A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"

    Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks."

    After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"

    Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick sh*! How about yourself?"

    The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."​
     
  2. jjarrett

    jjarrett Affiliate affiliate

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    LOL! Don't have any today, but when I do, they're usually dirty! Will look to see what I can find. :)

    Love it!

    Jinger
     
  3. Marc

    Marc 武士- Spamurai moderator affiliate

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    Great thread idea! I've always thought about starting a joke thread, but how would I do that - translate German jokes in English??

    Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!


    :eek:, but never mind, please let them come,
    ... or at least start a adult section ...
     
  4. mattyboy

    mattyboy Affiliate affiliate

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    Good one Andy!! Here's one I just came across....

    A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.” So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.
    At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
    He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!” The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
    The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says “FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”
     
  5. Andy Haskins

    Andy Haskins Affiliate affiliate

    @jjarrett Bring them on! :)

    @Marc We know you've got some great jokes hidden away!

    @mattyboy Brilliant Joke!!

    Another from me...

    Every time I go out at night, some bird with long legs starts following me. I think I'm being storked.
     
  6. Marc

    Marc 武士- Spamurai moderator affiliate

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    A young couple wants to marry. Shortly before the wedding both have a traffic accident, and both are immediately dead :(
    Since they were loving people on earth, both come immediately to heaven.
    The young man goes to Peter, and says: "Peter, Peter, we want to marry!"
    Peter answers: "No, that's not possible. In heaven there are no marriages."
    The young man: "But we want to marry, we want !" - This discussion takes a while, and finally Peter gives in:
    "Ok, you shall marry. I go, and will be looking for a priest." Peter goes away, but does not come back.
    A week passes, two weeks, three weeks..., but Peter doesn't come back.
    Meanwhile, the young couple think about it yet different, and they get doubts about their wedding.
    Finally, after three months Peter comes back. The young man runs to Peter:
    "Peter, Peter, is it possible to be divorced in heaven?"
    Peter gets angry, throws his book down and shouts:
    "It took me three months to find a priest in heaven!!
    How long do you think will it take to find a lawyer in heaven?!?"

    *****​

    plus a short vid about embarrassing moments :eek: in a foreign language:
    BBC - Languages - Your Say - Don't try this abroad - german - Hot and bothered in German
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2016
  7. venus2013

    venus2013 Affiliate affiliate

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    Nice post.I like this.
     
  8. Marc

    Marc 武士- Spamurai moderator affiliate

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    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2016
  9. Andy Haskins

    Andy Haskins Affiliate affiliate

    Haha Marc they are brilliant ones.

    I'll dig out some more :D
     
  10. Marc

    Marc 武士- Spamurai moderator affiliate

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    Be sure, me too...
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2016
  11. Marc

    Marc 武士- Spamurai moderator affiliate

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    Accidentally revealed: The new Like - Dislike buttons in the next Facebook update:
    .................... [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2016
    game333 likes this.
  12. mattyboy

    mattyboy Affiliate affiliate

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    Now, this I had to share!

    284172_526788777377627_2043411051_n.jpg

    923213_371938116260270_1190575301_n.jpg
     
    1 person likes this.
  13. K

    K Administrator Administrator affiliate

    ROFL! "She wants the D".
     
  14. mattyboy

    mattyboy Affiliate affiliate

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    Had me rolling also!
     
  15. Marc

    Marc 武士- Spamurai moderator affiliate

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    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2016
  16. Marc

    Marc 武士- Spamurai moderator affiliate

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    [​IMG]

    All Technical Supporters, have a great week!! :D
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2016
  17. Andy Haskins

    Andy Haskins Affiliate affiliate

    @Marc - I bet this is a common occurrence!
     
    Marc likes this.
  18. KSixJeremy

    KSixJeremy Moderator moderator Affiliate Manager affiliate

    Here is a classic

    Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant's backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go. A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried, they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.
    One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. The big day arrived, they set up all the monitoring equipment and set out to a safe distance.
    The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer.
    BBBRRRRRRAAANNNGGG!!!!!!!

    The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in shit, the second (2 miles away) was up to his knees and the first (1 mile away) was up to his waist. When the others joined the scientist who was 1 mile away they noticed that he was in fits of laughter.
    "What the hell is so funny?" asked one of the scientist.
    "You should have seen the monkey's face trying to get the cork back in!!!"
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 24, 2013
  19. K

    K Administrator Administrator affiliate

    A group of doctors were out duck hunting, when a large bird flew overhead.
    The family doctor raised his gun to shoot, but then lowered his gun saying "I am not sure that is a duck."
    The Psychiatrist raised his gun, but then lowered it again saying “I know it's a duck, but I'm not sure that it knows it's a duck."
    The surgeon raises his gun and blasts the bird out of the sky. He turns to the pathologist and says "Go see if that was a duck."


     
    1 person likes this.
  20. KSixJeremy

    KSixJeremy Moderator moderator Affiliate Manager affiliate

    What does a ghost wear when it's raining outside?

    BOOOOOOOOOTS!


    (rofl)
     
    1 person likes this.

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